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CAPTAIN BINGOS: CONFIRMED CONSOLE-SEXUAL

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“I have control issues,” button-presser admits.

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The Neotropolis Daily Reader is the premiere source for all the latest happenings in the city and beyond. Salacious society is our specialty! TLDR puts the CAN in UNCANNY, the FAME in DEFAMATION, and is the buzz at the heart of Kepler-609c.

_{All events are genuine occurrences and the presence of photographers is purely coincidental. Assertions and inferences made by TLDR are not legally actionable, and everyone has already seen the ridiculous photo so why deny it. It’s not libel if you actually did it.}

CLINK DAHLING

_{Founder, Editor, Intelligentry}

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